Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
