Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
