I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
