the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
