Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
