Soap is not a condiment
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
