I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
