At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
