My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this will be a night to untag.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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