No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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