cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
