you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
