ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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