I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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