i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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