take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
