Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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