census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
