Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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