Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
