a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
