The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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