i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
