Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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