If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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