Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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