at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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