he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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