i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize