I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
