just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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