My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
