just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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