You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
