And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
