i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
