my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
