Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
