we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
