You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
