i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
