I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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