Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
as a side note pls kill me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
