yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
