Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
