There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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