Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
