You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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