Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
