one two three fourrrrnication!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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