my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
