i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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