remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
