"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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