Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize