come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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