I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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