If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
