my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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