'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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