Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
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You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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