Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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