I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my shit smells like andre
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
