I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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