I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
