I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
