i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
