a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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