The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
