she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
