theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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