I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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