nut hugger
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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