Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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